I Generally Date Girls But Don’t Give Me A Call A Lesbian

We normally never proclaim my personal sexuality instantly upon fulfilling new-people, but i am aware it will most likely show up eventually if we come to be friends. I usually simply declare that I have a girlfriend and then leave it at this, but that leads many people to
believe i am a lesbian
, which bothers the hell away from me personally because I never ever mentioned I happened to be and that I’d never select that tag for myself personally.

1. 
   I had romantic emotions for those who are not females.
   
   While I currently just come across women attractive and just wanna day women, I’ve
   discovered men attractive in earlier times
   . In the morning we intimately interested in them? Not on many times, but passionate and intimate thoughts never usually get hand-in-hand. Throughout my childhood, I crushed on various children, but after matchmaking some dudes and doing a bit of soul searching, there is
   I prefer females
   . That however does not erase my personal past, and sexuality is generally fluid. Perhaps I’m not interested in men today, but I might subordinate circumstances or I might maybe not. I recently should not get tied all the way down because of the specifics of a “lesbian” label.
2. 
   Only a few women who have actually relationships/sex along with other ladies are lesbians.
   
   While I do not like getting known as a lesbian, I
   
   am
   
   fairly entirely into ladies. But some women can ben’t.
   Some women can be bisexual
   —surprise!—or pansexual or cannot love gender at all. Making use of the term “lesbian” to explain any lady that is presently with an other woman is generally incorrect. When an expression tends to be wrong in many cases, I don’t will make use of it.
3. 
   I’m not from isle of Lesbos
   
   . For many who do not know, discover a real devote Greece called the isle of Lesbos and individuals actually reside here. “Lesbian” describes individuals or situations from that area. The phrase “lesbian” in an effort to consider homosexual women merely came into being considering Sappho, who famously blogged really love poetry about females. (part note: she additionally penned poetry about loving males too, yet she is the best expression to be a “lesbian.” Bisexual erasure much?) anyhow, individuals from the isle of Lesbos really don’t like individuals
   phoning gay ladies “lesbians
   .” There’s a touch of homophobia to their campaigning from the phase, but you still need to confess it’s very stupid to mention to all or any gay women as “from this 1 Greek Island.” Additionally there are much more homosexual females than individuals who are now living in Lesbos, making this specially vexing for me.
4. 
   Gay and queer are fun words.
   
   I do love stating the term “queer” along with describing myself personally as “gay AF.” Queer can also be an example of reclaiming a word from homophobes, basically always amazing. It virtually implies a thing thatis just a tiny bit strange, that is perfect for me, and homosexual just indicates pleased. Precisely why won’t i do want to be homosexual? We must be very lucky. Easily have to choose a label, I’m going to claim that
   I am homosexual
   . Admiration the pleased.
5. 
   Really don’t suit the lesbian label.
   
   We consider me a part of the LGBTQ+ community, together with great thing concerning society is the fact that everybody out of each and every stroll of life should be pleasant provided that they may be acknowledging. But when i do believe to be a “lesbian,” I feel like there’s this mythical area of those that I really don’t quite fit into. Most this really is very old school, but even today there are a lot of supposed “must haves” for lesbians, as if you have to be hostile, use bamboo, and hear Tegan and Sara. I actually do none among these circumstances. Since “lesbian” as an expression appears rather stereotyping in scope, I believe like if I make use of it, i must
   adapt to stereotypes
   … and I never.
6. 
   I’m not femme or butch.
   
   Alongside maybe not conforming to lesbian stereotypes, I additionally do not feel I fall into a category. A lot of people whom identify as lesbians reference on their own as “butch” or “femme.” Actually, personally i think this defeats the reason. I’m not homosexual and so I can imitate a heterosexual few but to every their very own. In any case, I’m not really overly masculine or excessively feminine. I love to put on dresses, but We
   almost never put on make-up
   or jewelry. My personal hair is very long but occasionally i enjoy use men’s garments. I defy these categories, which feels as though defying getting a lesbian overall.
7. 
   My sexuality doesn’t define me personally.
   
   My personal main meat with the phase “lesbian” is that if you identify as one, you have to say “i am
   
   a
   
   lesbian.” Should you say you are gay, you can easily state “i am homosexual.” Linguistics are very important in my experience because language reflects personal prices. When people make use of the term “gay,” its a descriptor. When individuals make use of the phrase “lesbian,” it’s an identifier. Becoming gay falls under my identification, but it’s rarely all i’m. It’s simply one aspect, therefore you shouldn’t cook me personally down to merely “a lesbian.”
8. 
   I really don’t like to omit non-binary or asexual people.
   
   Being a lesbian appears to have a strict description: a female that is intimately interested in various other ladies. But what if you’re a female with someone that’s non-binary? They’re not a woman, though they are not a person, so that the term “lesbian” feels inaccurate. And
   in case you are asexual, you still have passionate feelings
   , and possibly you have got passionate feelings for the next lady. Can a “lesbian” not sexually drawn to females? It does not matter if you ask me when someone’s ace, non-binary, trans, or what they determine because, but making use of the phase “lesbian” to spell it out myself feels as though then i need to exclude those who don’t possess a “standard” sex or sex.
9. 
   I’m not porn.
   
   Lesbian is really a standard key phrase in porn.
   That you don’t notice individuals discussing “gay porn” that describes ladies having sex. The reason being “gay porno” aims at gay men and features males having sex together. But “lesbian porno,” which features females sex with one another, aims at straight guys. Because i understand this, I believe fetishized when i am called a lesbian, even if that’s not the goal. I simply cannot divorce the fetishization of queer women from the phrase. Moreover it reminds myself of all types of bad things in culture and how usually gay men and women are fetishized, thus don’t call me a lesbian.